When I got the call up to be the intimacy coach for the House of the Dragon sex scenes in the winter of 2020, it was definitely a surprise. I had never even watched Game of Thrones, but I knew all about its reputation, so of course I said yes. At the time, the U.K. was in lockdown, so I watched all eight seasons of the original series in a matter of weeks.
Working as an intimacy coach was certainly not where I expected to be when I was growing up. From a young age, all I ever wanted to do was to be an actor or work in the entertainment industry. Nothing makes me feel happier, more inspired, or piques my interest as much as acting. I’m fascinated with the process of it.
While growing up in Melbourne, I always enjoyed stories and literature. For a while, I thought I wanted to be a journalist and got a place studying the subject at the Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology. However, I soon realized that a career in journalism wasn’t quite right for me. At the same time, I got involved with the theater and instantly adored it.
I did some stage work in Australia before coming to the U.K. in my early 20s, keeping myself financially afloat by working in bookshops and doing as much acting work as I could. I was performing at the Old Vic theater in London when my agent suggested I try some screen work.
My first time on a television set was in my mid-twenties in a U.K. children’s TV drama. It was an incredibly unique experience which involved a very different acting technique, but I loved it. I started being put up for more and more auditions and transitioned into doing mainly screen work.
Then, in 2010, I decided to do an MA in acting coaching. It was the best thing I could have done, because I had already been asked to do some teaching, but was training students based only on my own experience. My course allowed me to take a more pedagogical approach to coaching.
Becoming a Professional Intimacy Coordinator
After qualifying as an acting coach, I was directing a Sam Shepard play in 2015 that involved content of a sexual nature. My cast was younger and it was just so difficult to figure out how to approach those scenes without it being humiliating, embarrassing, or just long-winded. I decided to train in intimacy coordination.
I trained assuming I would do a small amount of coaching alongside acting; at the time, nobody really knew much about what the role was. Up until a few years ago, I believe there was a lot of confusion about intimacy coordinators, and it felt you had to battle your way into the system a bit.
For example, other heads of departments would ask: “Why is this woman here?” You were having to liaise with costume and makeup teams, who were not used to that. But I believe they were also quite grateful because, in the past, during intimate scenes, it was usually costume and make-up taking care of the actress or actor if they were nude, which is crazy.
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